Like many parents, I can attest that many lessons on life and leadership come from observing my children.  Recently, my 10 year-old daughter expressed a simple principle on influence.

Her insight was expressed amidst the seasonal routine of school and activity fundraisers: how would she simultaneously sell cookie dough, candles and stationary? Would she review product info to understand features and benefits? Did she map out the neighborhood to match products to specific households? No, her preparation was a bit more succinct: “Dad, who do we know that owes us something?”

She cuts right to the issue, doesn’t she? My fifth-grader expressed the core influence principle of “reciprocity.”  My parents called it “tit-for-tat.” Legal types dub it “quid pro quo.” In legislatures it’s called “log rolling.” Label it what you wish, but our daily work and life present hundreds of exchanges offering opportunities to build our influence.

• Every meeting presents a chance to explore the other’s interests and expectations;
• Each decision can be weighed in light of the other party’s needs and position; and,
• Each water-cooler conversation can include exploring your colleague’s personal interests and avocation.

Thoughtful leaders build their influence by proactively paying attention to reciprocity; they intentionally draw out the perspectives of the other and find a way to get their needs met. A colleague of mine uses a banking analogy: “I try to make regular deposits in the bank accounts of my team members, I never know when I’ll need to make a withdrawal…” While not as crass as my daughter’s question of ‘who owes us,’ this leader purposefully invests in others anticipating that they may need support or consideration in the future.

Three questions to consider:

• How can you support the agenda of another department or function? How do you go beyond your own goals to help to further another’s?
• How can you support the career plans and dreams of another person?
• In what other ways can you make deposits in another’s ‘bank account’?

Your thoughts? What do you do to invest in those around you?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 28th, 2011 at 11:58 am and is filed under Leadership. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.